However, thankfully, redoing the front “garden” drove the need for home-made compost. I had bought 30 sacks of top soil, compost, grit and aged manure to create the bed but it wasn’t quite enough and I needed to add my own compost too. Well I didn’t have to really, I could have bought more stuff, but I knew I had compost in the bin and it was the perfect excuse. I had to confront my monster.

I am an intelligent, well-educated woman. More relevantly, I am a sensible and practical human being. I don’t believe in ghosts, vampires - or monsters.   And I know what I’ve put in the compost bin - but I still couldn’t think what was in there.

I decided the only solution was to lift the entire compost bin up and off the ground, not an easy job in the small space behind the shed. So yesterday, since it was dry and sunny and I was feeling good, strong and determined, I faced my monster.

Luckily, in the intervening months, the slugs and ants had gone and the top material had become compost, so I could shovel that out. I also took everything I could from the base and then I managed to lift the entire plastic bin and hoist it onto the roof of the shed (there was no room anywhere else).

I looked at the pile remaining, girded my loins and attacked it with a spade - to discover that my monster was a ganglion of tree roots coming up from underground. It soon became clear they were from the cherry tree near the bin at the edge of the garden. I inherited the cherry tree. It’s been here for years (though it has grown especially well in the last few!).

So, of course, it was not a monster in my compost bin. It was just a 25 foot cherry tree. No probs. and quite a relief. It’s something I can deal with physically – and remain a monster atheist. Phew!

But honestly, I expect tree roots to stay underground, at most to break pavements a little around the base of the tree. I don’t expect them to send up armies of “tongues”, metres from the trunk, looking for delicacies above ground.

It’s still a little bit scary.